To face life alone as a single woman in my later years.  In my mind, this picture has always been frightening. I remember confiding in my previous partner about this deepest, darkest fear.  Being alone, dying alone, and ending up alone.  In his arms, I was safe.  The kiss on my forehead, the squeeze and the firm embrace assured me I did not have to worry.  The two of us were good, weren’t we?

So, here I am, single and 55, learning how to date myself and men.  Hooray! The joys of being single.  Never in a million years did I think I’d be back on the dating scene.  To be honest, I have never been single.  No, not really.  For 20 years, I was married to my second boyfriend; and soon after the divorce, there was an eight-year relationship which dissolved three years ago.  I really did not have much solo time.

It seems like I’ve heard this phrase a million times: “Not to worry, Judy.”.  You’ll find someone soon! You won’t be alone for long.  There’s someone waiting for you, you’re a mega attractor.”.  Yeah yeah….sure, it might be so…But my clock is ticking, and I’m not getting younger, prettier, or firmer.   You and I both know that mature women have a harder time finding a partner they find compatible.   And how long do I have to wait? How many men should I date?  Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? 

But hang on!  Does this narrative hold any truth? Is my situation really that gloomy and hopeless? Is it necessary to write ourselves off? Have we truly passed the harvesting season? That’s crazy! Can you imagine? 

As far as I’m concerned, I refuse to accept that I’m past my prime.  In fact,  I find myself becoming more attractive.  Oh yes, the wrinkles are multiplying, and the ageing spots are appearing faster than I would like…but oh my goodness, I am gaining something far more valuable.  A super power a thousand times more desirable than a tight butt or perky boobs.  It’s the attitude of a woman who is radiant and confident.

Here is what I have learned:

  • At 55 years of age, I have gained more knowledge and wisdom than ever before.
  • I live consciously.  I know what I want and what can bring me joy.  My choice is to surround myself with people who are healing and positive.
  • In my body, I feel healthy, strong, and energetic, radiating an air of aliveness.
  • I have had my share of setbacks and beautiful moments in my life, which has given me the ability to empathize with others
  • I am calm and observant. I am kinder and more patient.
  • Now I serve out of love, not fear.
  • Despite my imperfections, I know who I am…and you know what? It’s great to be me!

What makes me want to share this with you? No, I’m not telling the world how great and confident I am…Gosh, there is still so much to learn.  I still play the single card, and I have my bad days too.  This is my way of sharing with you that time alone also has a lot of great qualities. It allows you to get to know yourself on a whole new level.And wow! what a treat it is!

Here are a few tips I want to share with you.  There is nothing rocket science about this, but it’s common sense that every woman should be aware of.  When we acknowledge that we are amazing beings with so much to give, we realise that in order to be the giving tree, we need to first give to ourselves. 

Please honour and appreciate the unique and beautiful woman that you are.  However you show up, remember you are special and there is no one else quite like you.  You may have great legs or great arms or you may just enjoy how the curve of your hips look when you wear that special dress.  You may love that you are really funny and can make people laugh or that you are compassionate and care for people. 

Maintain a healthy body and mind!  A win here is a win everywhere!  You are more confident when you feel and look good.  That’s it, plain and simple.  Nutrient-dense, whole foods are the best way to nourish your body.  Maintain a healthy lifestyle by exercising and moving throughout the day.  Choosing a workout you enjoy will ensure that you will continue to do it. Allow yourself time to unwind and connect with nature.  Don’t forget to get enough sleep.

Wear clothes that delight your body. Even though you may think that baggy clothes make you feel good when you are down, you are actually perpetuating a negative mindset every time you wear them.  Dressing well reinforces the idea that your body is special and deserves beautiful clothing.  Make sure you dress to the T every day.  Bring out the cute skirt and toss the sweats!  Don’t forget to apply a little make-up too.

Take a confident stride.  There is nothing more sexier than self-confidence!  Take your time and strut your stuff! Stand tall, keep your spine elongated.  Put one foot slightly in front of another and roll your shoulders back and down. Walking at a slightly slow pace demands attention and says, “I’m just too hot to be rushed.”

Take advantage of this time to learn and grow. Expand your mind!  Nothing is sexier than a date with a woman who knows a little about everything.  Become familiar with global issues by reading, learning, and taking an interest in them.  Demonstrate your growth and evolution.

Stay positive, have a gratitude mindset and be kind. Just the act of being positive and grateful creates an air of compassion and kindness. You make people want to be around you when you are like that.

Find people who inspire you and surround yourself with them. In the same way that confident women surround themselves with positive people, they do not let others bring them down. Women who are confident know when to walk away from people who bring them down, without apologizing.  Conversely, lift up other women as well.  Empowerment comes from helping others achieve their dreams.

Let me invite all single women in their prime to embrace all you already have within, and enhance it tenfold.  This is your chance to find out who you are, what you want, and why you want it.  You need to take a close look at the way you have chosen to live life in the past, and ask yourself if this still belongs to you.  Take this opportunity to look outside the boundaries of what you already know, and explore into the unknown.  It is scary, but look beyond and step out of your comfort zone.  There are surprising things to be found on the other side. It’s time for you to shine my friend. Be the Queen!

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